New CEO Patrick Stewart Beams Aboard Ibrox for Mission Impossible

To Infinity and Beyond? Rangers turn to Patrick Stewart to navigate a Galaxy of Challenges.

It seems Rangers are boldly going where no club has gone before by appointing Patrick Stewart as their new chief executive officer. Though not that Patrick Stewart, this one also promises to bring his experience and composure to the Ibrox hot seat. With the club facing a financial black hole and a gap to Celtic that could rival the distance to the Gamma Quadrant, Stewart’s mission is clear: make Rangers prosper - or at least not implode.

Stewart is no stranger to dealing with warp-speed challenges. However, many fans might be wondering if his appointment is mere ‘damage control’. After all, Rangers’ latest accounts report a £17m loss - enough to make even a Ferengi weep.

Interim chairman John Gilligan praised Stewart’s ‘stellar’ reputation, but it’s safe to say he’ll need more than the wisdom of the Prime Directive to close the gap on Celtic. With an 11-point gap in the league and sitting third in the Premiership, Rangers are struggling to maintain orbit.

Stewart will need to assemble a crew of Scotty-level miracle workers if Rangers are to have any hope of catching Celtic. However, the challenges Stewart faces aren’t just on the field. The £17m financial black hole could turn into a Klingon-style battle for survival if not addressed. While Celtic enjoy the riches of Champions League football, Rangers must find ways to balance the books without resorting to replicator tricks.

Supporters will be hoping that Stewart’s off-pitch expertise can provide a much-needed tractor beam of stability. But whether his strategies will leave the club starry-eyed or cause yet another red shirt casualty remains to be seen.

Despite the daunting task ahead, Rangers fans may find solace in Stewart’s pedigree and experience. As an arbitrator for the Court of Arbitration for Sport and a veteran of Manchester United’s boardroom, he has already navigated intergalactic-level drama. Perhaps, like his namesake he’ll boldly lead Rangers out of their current predicament.

For now, though, Rangers’ plight feels less like ‘Live long and prosper’ and more like ‘Beam me up, Scotty’. With Celtic flying high and Rangers chasing shadows, it’ll take a journey to the final frontier to close the gap.

If he can’t then it won’t be the Wrath of Khan he needs to worry about.